“There was this toothless cook in Vietnam.  I was pulling KP [ "kitchen patrol" ] one time, and he said  ‘Y’know, if the motherf**kin’ Army got everybody laid every week and got everybody a case of beer every week, nobody would be complaining’.  At the time I didn’t think anything of it, but now i think he may have been one of the greatest philosophers of the 20th century, unknown to man.”